Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Randomize
