I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
