were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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