He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Randomize
