Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
