I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
Randomize
