just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
