i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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