Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
