Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
