I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Randomize
