just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
