The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Randomize
