i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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