Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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