Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
he thought i was a dude.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
