she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
