I cannot find my penis.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
ttyl tear gas
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
Randomize
