If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
My Higher Power is John Stamos
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
