You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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