saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
I need moral support for this bender
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
