C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
Randomize
