Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
