Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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