There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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