No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
