I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
