Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
