ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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