repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
