btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Randomize
