so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
