Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
