that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Randomize
