Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Your cock deserves a montage
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
