When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
