I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
Randomize
