talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The air was thick with penises
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
Two words: nipple clamps
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