okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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