On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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