thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
