No stitches, just platelets and will power
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
