My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
