All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
Randomize
