I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
no. you can't hotbox the world.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
