laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Randomize
