I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you have to choose: penises or morals?
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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