is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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