none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
