What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
