his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
