Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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