i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
