I'm jealous of your bromance
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
Randomize
