if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Randomize
