I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
