Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
