I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Randomize
