U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
