You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
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