I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
