Jerry, you need to find god
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
You are the jesus of drinking
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
Randomize
